One phrase I learned while living in Japan for a year has helped me become a more flexible, laid-back person
· Business Insider
Courtesy of Alessa Hickman
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- I've embraced the Japanese concept of "shōganai," or accepting that some things can't be helped.
- My husband and I use the phrase to brush off late buses, bad weather, and other daily frustrations.
- As an overthinker who loves a plan, the concept of shōganai helps me be flexible and let things go.
Picture me, hungry (and hangry), scrolling through Google Maps for a local spot to try. I find a restaurant that looks good, see that it's open, and think, perfect, let's go.
Twenty minutes later, I confidently walk up to the door, only to find the place magically closed.
This has happened to me so many times since moving to Japan that I've lost count. I'll admit the first few times I was pretty confused … and probably reacted a little more dramatically than the situation warranted.
I've always been a big overthinker and a planner. Before I moved to Japan 10 months ago, I had so many preconceived ideas about how the year would go, where I'd end up, and everything I'd see and do along the way.
Unsurprisingly, I've learned the same lesson here over and over again: Things won't always go according to plan.
I learned 'shōganai' on a night out in Kumamoto
The concept of shōganai helped me shift my perspective.Courtesy of Alessa Hickman
A couple of months ago, I was spending some time in Kumamoto city, and I was lucky enough to make a friend who's also from Canada.
One night, while we were hanging out in the main area, we stopped by the Kumamoto Food Stall Village. At one of the stalls, we met two Japanese guys around our age, and before long, we were all sampling sake and hanging out together.
During our conversation, we started exchanging slang, both Canadian and Japanese, and the concept of "shōganai" came up.
The way it was explained to me, it essentially means "it can't be helped" or "it is what it is." It's something you'd say when you're stuck in traffic, or the rain ruins your plans, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Instead of getting hung up on what went wrong, you accept the situation and choose to move on.
It really resonated with me at the time, and it rubbed off on my husband pretty quickly, too. Within a couple of days, he was using shōganai all the time — when we'd miss our bus, when I was complaining about how hot and humid it was, or whenever I was spiraling over something that definitely wasn't worth stressing over.
At first, it was mostly something we'd say to each other to laugh things off and put the frustration to bed. Over time, though, the lesson started to change my mindset.
I accepted that I didn't have to let every little thing bother me
Ultimately, there are many things out of our control.Courtesy of Alessa Hickman
Because I tend to build up plans and ideas in my head, I can be pretty hard on myself when they don't work out.
Sometimes it's something objectively small, like missing the train on a day when I had a strict itinerary and wanted to get somewhere at a specific time. Even if missing it means I'll only get there 10 or 30 minutes later than expected, I'd still let it bother me because things weren't going the way I pictured them.
Living in Japan has given me plenty of opportunities to practice letting that go. Now, when I notice myself dwelling on something, I remind myself of shōganai. I can't always control how things turn out, but I can choose how much energy I give to it.
That doesn't mean I'm suddenly stress-free or that I never get frustrated when plans go sideways — I am still me, after all. However, I've noticed a significant difference in how I react to situations where I would usually break a sweat.
I'm more flexible, more willing to go with the flow, and when something doesn't work out, I'm getting better at reminding myself that it doesn't necessarily mean the whole plan is ruined.
Sometimes the restaurant will be closed when Google says it's open. I can either stand outside staring at the locked door in disbelief, or I can find somewhere else to eat, enjoy the walk, and move on.
Shōganai!
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